The #2 attraction in Hellertown? My money's on these guys:
We tailed the Midlife Crisis Band (MCB) on their way to some sort of church/charity/carnival/thingee that looked like a hoot and a holler. Still, as we drove, I couldn't help but think the band name was a little on the vague side. What kind of mid-life crisis are we talking about here? Viagara and a sportscar? Or your basic vaginoplasty?
If it was my band, I'd use the same name as one of the eighties/nineties bands I grew up with -- with a mid-life twist.
Remember Nine Inch Nails? I don't either, really, but here they are:
The mid-life version: Nine Inch Hemmorhoids.
Ahem. So how was your pregnancy experience?
In high school, because I was freakishly sensitive, I had a thing for Simple Minds.
Mid-life version: Dimpled Hinds.
Which of course refers to my childrens' darling derrieres and IN NO WAY describes my own curdled buttflesh.
The high school jocks liked to crank some Rush:
Mid-life version: Flush.
That's right. FLUSH. As in: Did you remember to flush? Or, alternatively: God &%#@! Who didn't flush? Also: I know you said you did, but I didn't hear the toilet flush.
It's a compelling topic of conversation in this family. If walls could only talk. Or flush the damn toilet.
Finally, this one's a little late-nineties, but we all know Aqua, the group that gave us that hideously annoying "Barbie Girl" song.
Mid-life version: Lycra.
Because every pair of jeans I own has it. As well as a "relaxed fit" in the hips and thighs.
*SOB*
