Saturday, November 26, 2011

On Thanksgiving, A Pilgrim Wench Goes Gangsta

I’m Mayflower, muthaf$$$a.  Don’t tread on me, or I’ll start a revolution on your ass.  I’ll take a musket to your head.  I’ll cut you with my whalebone darning needle (but then I shall quickly repent and beg the Lord’s mercy).

Me and my bitches, we’re gonna ride the buggy through the ‘hood.  It’s got yellow wheels, bra, it’s pimped out!  We’re gonna get crazy, y’all.  Gonna hit the peace pipe.  Gonna take the sewing circle outside.  We’ll be stitchin’ and bitchin’ -- without our bonnets on (weather permitting.  And if God wills it so).

What up, Miles?  You want some Prissy?  That’s right, you do – it’s pre-ordained.  I could give it to you all right, Miles.  Rough up your ruff.  Put the plum in your porridge.  You’d like that, wouldn’t you?  Well tough turkey: I already got me a man, and he’s a high roller (for Tristram is both a cooper and a wheelwright, as well as exceptionally tall).

So back off, Miles.  Go home to your ho.  No, not your wife.  Your hoe.  For the harvest season is upon us and it is a sin to be slothful.  Peace out, Miles (and peace be with you on this day of thanksgiving).


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Twaddle away.